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19 October 2007 @ 10:50 pm
Bulwer-Lytton Sentences  
If these are still funny tomorrow, I might send them in. Best to give it some space, though. It's never a good sign when I find myself hilarious.


Magdalene tilted the mirror to admire her perfect nose, tumescent lips, green eyes that glinted like the Castafiore emeralds the magpie had stolen, flawless skin like creamy chicken soup with a garnish of freckles more perfect than the freshest parsley; she admired the pearls as they sat against her throat - the pearls Daniel had given her, saying "Darling, these pearls are a symbol of our everlasting love - it shall live as long as the uncaring mollusc that spat these beauteous morsels into the world; just as the uncaring world spat a beauteous you into my arms."


Mysterious winds howled around the tower as a mysterious light began to glow in a window, where a mysterious cowled figure mysteriously held aloft a mysterious tome, on which mysterious runes and a mysterious engraving could be seen, depicting a mysterious creature with wings and mysterious horny fangy things and a mysterious sort of umbrella but it might be a hat, or a fish if you turned it sideways, but whatever it was, it was definitely mysterious.


And a special Talk Like A Pirate Day Bulwer-Lytton Sentence:

"Stand Avast!" shouted the fearsome pirate Norwich the Brown, "I'm planked if I'll stone the crows before this Arrr gets me scurvy! It'll be me hearties before that happens! Get me doubloon, now, and be booty about it! Jolly Roger the crow's nest with a salty sea dog, and swab the starboard wenches before I ahoy the lot of you! Now keelhaul to! Avast! AVAST!!!
morgan303morgan303 on October 19th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
Gold. Pure, shiny, 24-karat gold. You rock, muchly. Love the pirate one.:) And the gothic fiction one. And the other one.:)
Nicolematcha_pocky on October 20th, 2007 02:10 am (UTC)
I sent them in :) I feel like I'm sending my kid off to a beauty pageant armed with only a can of hairspray and some eyelash-curlers :)
indigoindigo1 on October 19th, 2007 11:59 pm (UTC)
ah, go on... i find your writing vastly entertaining, and i'm not easily impressed. swabbing the starboard wenches is a gem. btw - where is your other authorial endeavour?

ps: back on campus now. moved my stuff and everything. tea and cake at the club sometime?
Nicole: snailmatcha_pocky on October 20th, 2007 02:14 am (UTC)
I actually had to tone down the starboard wenches a bit. There are so many misinterpretable words in the piratical lexicon :)
Gadgegadge on October 20th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
It was a dark and stormy night...
You, you are what awesome looks like. These are magnificent in the way they make my eyes bleed - and I really kind of love you for them.

And not just because you referenced the Castafiore emeralds. Mercy, my jewels!
Shane: Armchair warriordaern on October 21st, 2007 05:47 am (UTC)
As much as I enjoy reading entries into the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest, I don't think your pirate entry will count, because it includes several sentences of pirate speech, instead of an infamous, single, opening sentence; and for that I am piratically sorry.