Magdalene tilted the mirror to admire her perfect nose, tumescent lips, green eyes that glinted like the Castafiore emeralds the magpie had stolen, flawless skin like creamy chicken soup with a garnish of freckles more perfect than the freshest parsley; she admired the pearls as they sat against her throat - the pearls Daniel had given her, saying "Darling, these pearls are a symbol of our everlasting love - it shall live as long as the uncaring mollusc that spat these beauteous morsels into the world; just as the uncaring world spat a beauteous you into my arms."
Mysterious winds howled around the tower as a mysterious light began to glow in a window, where a mysterious cowled figure mysteriously held aloft a mysterious tome, on which mysterious runes and a mysterious engraving could be seen, depicting a mysterious creature with wings and mysterious horny fangy things and a mysterious sort of umbrella but it might be a hat, or a fish if you turned it sideways, but whatever it was, it was definitely mysterious.
And a special Talk Like A Pirate Day Bulwer-Lytton Sentence:
"Stand Avast!" shouted the fearsome pirate Norwich the Brown, "I'm planked if I'll stone the crows before this Arrr gets me scurvy! It'll be me hearties before that happens! Get me doubloon, now, and be booty about it! Jolly Roger the crow's nest with a salty sea dog, and swab the starboard wenches before I ahoy the lot of you! Now keelhaul to! Avast! AVAST!!!